I have just recently gotten out of a 4 year long relationship and I’m not going to lie, I felt really weird at the beginning. I have always been the type of girl that is either in a relationship or is wanting to be in a relationship. In other words, I basically don’t want to be single. Being in a relationship has always fulfilled me or so I thought. I’m the type to focus on another person’s needs before my own. How can I help to make their day better? What are their dreams and what can I do to help make it a reality? I’ve always focused on the other person and ignored the fact that my own needs weren’t actually being met. And when I say this, I don’t mean the other person wasn’t meeting my needs. I mean that I wasn’t leaving energy of my own to focus on the things that really mattered to me. I also put a lot of my energy into seeking approval from my partner on the creative projects I did attempt to pursue. Huge mistake.
I’ve been in some tough relationships too and now it’s time for me to take a break from all the drama and focus on me. I’ve been in a relationship where the guy was supposedly cheating on me, there was one that was physically abusive, and then one that was mentally abusive. I feel as women, we don’t really feel comfortable talking about the negative things men have done to us. That is why when that hashtag #metoo was going around, it really made an impact. Anyways, I feel like I’ve gone off topic so let me get back to it. Being single for the first month felt weird. At the beginning, I so badly wanted someone, anyone to just comfort me. I didn’t think I could be strong on my own. But as time went by, I did get stronger. I realized I have never truly believed in myself or my dreams. Instead, I looked for validation that my ideas were even worth pursuing and that was just putting a cap on what I could achieve. Being single now, it’s finally the time to stop depending on a man to make me feel whole and to take back control of my life.
Here are a few steps that I took and that you can too to help you move past a breakup and become your true beautiful self:
Journaling has been the most important addition to my life. After a breakup, your emotions are so raw and hard to process. I feel like when ever I get overwhelmed, I sit down to write and all of the sudden I feel so much better. My issues that I’m going through don’t feel so big anymore when they are written down on paper and I can really analyze what I am feeling. This is how I move past what I am feeling and become more secure in myself.
2. Spend Time With Friends & Family
Something I tend to neglect when I am in a relationship is spending time with my family and friends. Now that I have moved back into my parent’s house, I am spending more time with my family than I have in years. And guess what? It feels great! There’s just something about spending time with like-minded individuals, this includes friends, that makes you feel whole again. It’s making me feel like I belong again and that feeling is so powerful.
The best way to release pent up emotions is through exercise. So, find a type of exercise that works best for you and start implementing it into your life. For me it’s taking my dog, Gucci, for a walk and doing kundalini yoga. Walking with Gucci, either on a trail or just around the neighbourhood, makes me so happy! Just seeing how happy and excited he is to be out with me brings me so much joy! And then there’s kundalini yoga. I am a big believer in the chakras, even though I am still in the learning stages of it, and feel like balancing your chakras really do help to improve your life. Kundalini yoga is an exercise that helps to balance your chakras and I feel an immediate change when I am done a session. Any type of yoga or stretching is also great for releasing emotions and feeling more comfortable in the body you have.
4. Find Your Focal Point
What I mean by this is that you need to find something to focus on and only work towards that. What is it that you want to express during your time here on this planet? Who do you want to be and how do you plan on becoming that person? We create our lives as we go through the choices that we make. Everyday we are making choices that are creating our future. So, find a focal point and do something every day, no matter how small, that will help you get closer to that goal. For me, I want to start my own business and be more active on social sites. Right now I feel like my life is chaos because I’m trying to do all the things I’ve been wanting to do all at once. I think the beginning always looks messy and that you just need to keep working on it no matter what. After all this is your dream and no one else can create it for you.
So, there you have it. Just a few tips that I wanted to share that are helping me get through this tough transition right now. I have put way too much energy into creating a relationship than in creating a career I am passionate about. So, now it’s time for me to switch direction. This is a good thing. I now can see that I have been stuck in the same patterns and it’s time to make better choices.
Janice aka Fijian Mermaid